Playful 2

He then led her through an erotic undressing by drawing the zip of her dress down her spine with caressing expertise that literally took her breath away. With his trembling fingers that trailed feather-light to her overexposed skin, slender back bone. She moved against him, kaalinsabay sa kanyang paggalaw, dama nya na nagustuhan nito ang kanyang mabini at erotikang paggalaw. 


He released an impatient sigh; she matched it too. He caught the sound on his tongue then fed it back to her, while his hands drifted up her arms until they reached her hands still locked around his neck. Drawing them downwards he encouraged her dress to slither down her body, then laid her hands against his shirt front. "Undress me," he urged.


Kahit na tila ba nahihiya, she complied with too much eagerness, nababanaag sa kanyang mga mata ang naglalagablab na pagnanasa. She complied while the caress of his hands and mouth urged her on.  Shirt buttons slid from their buttonholes to reveal more and more of that wonderful chest she loved to look at so much now. She allowed herself the pleasure of touching, placing her finger on his chest. Then because she wouldn't resist, the moist tip of her tongue followed the rail her fingers left. 


Then it was flesh on flesh, pleasure tangling up with pleasure as the whole thing shot off on its own natural journey. His arms were crushing her, his kiss was deep, penetrating to the core. He came down with her, his skin was moist, she yearned to taste it but the kiss was just too good to break away from. His hands begin caressing her with so much sensual expertise that she arched and flexed  as sensation washed over her in waves and scraped restless fingernails over his shoulder with enough urgency to make him shudder in response.


He released a thick laugh and said, "Do it again."




To be continued..

Playful

"I need you so badly. I need you now." Bulong nito sa kanya.

"You don't know what you're asking." Mariin nyang tanggi.

Naramdman niya ang hagod ng kamay nito sa kabuuan ng kanyang katawan, in a slow, languid, exploring caress that made her feel warm , wet and excited inside.

"Please don't say no. It will kill me if you do.", he said against the skin of her throat, his voice hoarse with desire.

Desire. Desire for him. Masidhi at nag-uumalpas.

He gripped her bottom and rubbed himself against her. And she could feel the need. A different kind of pain that excites her. Hot and empty.. And yet she was mindless with need, the aching desire. His tongue caressed her mouth, her soft lips erotically and coaxing her to play. She moaned as her tongue hesitantly play with his.

Nagmulat siya ng mga mata at baka sakaling manaig ang isip sa damdamin. Pero ang tanging nakita niya ay ang malamlam na mga mata nito filled with intense passion, nakikita niya ang mumunting pawis sa paligid ng noo nito, dala ng matinding pagpipigil sa masidhing excitement dala ng init ng kanilang mga katawan.

Then he bent to kiss her again, "I want you. I need you," he murmured inside her mouth.

To be continued..

De Numero

X: Hanggang kailan ba natin gagawin to?


Y: Hanggang gusto natin. Hanggang masaya tayo. hanggang di nabibisto.


Hanggang kailan nga ba? Hanggang kailan ka kakapit sa isang walang pinagpakuang pangako? Hanggang kailan mo hahayaang masaktan ka? Hanggang kailan mo hahayaang maging huli ka sa prayoridad nya? Hanggang kailan mo hahayaang naka-iskedyul ang kaligayahan mo? Para kang manikang de susi, para kang laruang sasakyang de remote control. Sya ang may hawak ng control, kung kailan nya gusto umandar ka, saka ka lang maliligayahan. Kapag binitawan nya ang remote control dahil napagod na syang maglaro, maiiwan kang nakatengga hanggang sa maisipan nya uli na balikan ka at laruin. Hanggang kailan mo hahayaan ang sarili mong maging palipasan? Palipasan ng panglaw, pagkabagot at kawalan ng opsyon sa mga piling panahon sa buhay nya.


Para saan ang pagtitiis? Para ba sa kakaunting oras na iniaatang nya sayo? Sa kapirasong ngiti na paminsan-minsang kumukurba sa iyong mga labi dahil sa biglaan nyang pagdating, sa biglaang pagpaparamdam, pagbibigay aliw. Kuntento ka na ba dun? Kailan ka tunay na liligaya?


Hindi ka ba napapagod maghintay? Hindi ka ba napapagod sa kakatingin sa labas ng gate ng bahay mo? Umaasa na sa mga susunod na minuto ay matatanglawan mong nasa may tarangkahan mo na sya at binibuksan ang gate papunta sayo. Palagian kang may nakahandang pagkain, baka sakaling dumating sya, may maihahain ka agad sa kanya. Pero mas madalas na lumalamig lamang ang pagkain na inihanda mo, tulad mo, naghihintay lang din.. naghihintay sa wala..


Hanggang kailan pa?

Sino ang In-Case-Of-Emergency Person Mo?

I woke up one day and realized that death is everywhere. Its inevitable. It can take you anytime. I don’t know about the “kung oras mo na, oras mo na” thing. But I do know that we can never be really fully prepared when death comes. It can take us today, tomorrow, next week, next year or we’ll live on till the next decade. We can never say how far we’d go.  What’s sad about it, is when people die and they didn’t get the chance to leave a mark to those people they’ll be leaving behind. I know someone who doesn’t want to be remembered. I asked him before, “how do you wanna be remembered?” He answered without any hesitation at all, “I don’t”. “I don’t want to be remembered by people after Ive passed on.” He said.  At that time, I wasn’t able to understand him, actually, until now, I wasn’t able to understand why he doesn’t wanna be remembered by those people who love him.

Death changes a lot of things.  It changes not just the situation but the people itself. Death changes people from the way they think, the way they see life and the way they feel.  Its funny how death  makes everything  be in a fast forward mode. I remembered when my father died, everything was a blur. I can hardly remember everything that has happened from the moment he died up until the funeral. It all went by so fast. Its like it didn’t really happen at all. It took quite some time before it finally hit me that he wasn’t there anymore. That he wasn’t just away at work, that he will not be stopping by anymore to check on us. No more yelling, no more scolding about asking for money or something. He is simply gone.  And is never coming back. I think it was several months after when that bitter realization sink in. Then the confusion came. I was confused about a lot of things for quite some time. I’ve been holding grudges to someone who wasn’t there anymore. I was looking for some kind of retribution or explanation as to why things are the way they were.  I couldn’t find any. As much as I’m scared of feeling his presence, I was/kept wishing he’d appear right in front of me and do some explaining. I kept expecting for him to just show up and speak. But it never happened. He never came. And I was still confused. I don’t know for how long that confusion went, I still think that until now, there are still things I haven’t let go. It affected the “me” in me.

For the past several months,  there’s been a lot of deaths.. the last one before this one.. has taken its toll on me. It kind of shook me real hard. I kept missing him. I kept thinking and wanting to be with him. The reality that he’s not coming back literally crushes me. I became a bit unstable. Then as I was trying to recover from that.. a call came in..

“Kayo po kasi ma’am ang in-case-of-emergency person sya. Kaya were calling to let you know and to ask for your decision para sa arrangements.”

Kapag maririnig mo yan sa telepono ng alas dos ng madaling araw. Galing ka sa mahimbing na pagkakatulog, disoriented na disoriented ka pa. Anong maiisip mo? It freaked me out. Ano daw? Ako ang nakalista sa incase of emergency nya? Bakit ako? Parang may kung anong bigat yung pag malamang mong in case na may mangyari sa isang tao, ikaw…ikaw ang tatawagan.. desisyon mo ang hihingin, ikaw ang mag-aasikaso, ikaw ang unang makakaramdam ng halo-halong emosyon na kaht kalian ay di mo gugustuhing maramdaman. Ikaw lang.

Pano ka ba magrereak sa panahong ganyan? Kalmado. Dapat dawn a kalmado ka sa tuwing tatanggap ka ng masamang balita. Nakakatuwang pakinggan na “kumalma ka lang”. Kase how can you possibly calm down after receiving that kind of news in the middle of the night? What are you suppose to say? What are you suppose to do? What are you suppose to feel? Expected bang umiyak ka? Necessity bang magkandakumahog ka sa pagpapaliwanag sa ibang tao? Kinakailangan bang bitawan mo lahat ng kung anu mang ginagawa mo ng mga oras na yun para asikasuhin ang isang bagay na ni sa hinagap mo eh hindi mo maiisip na responsibilidad mo?

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako ang in-case-of-emergency person nya. Ive a few ideas, but I’ll never be able to confirm them. Wala na sya. Hindi na babalik. Iniisip kong sa kabilang buhay ba may memorya pa ba sila ng mga naging buhay nila dito.

Sa totoo lang, ang bigat sa pakiramdam. Ang labo. Masyadong malabo ang dating saken ng kamatayan. BInabago ka nya sometimes in ways na hindi mo gusto, or minsan naman sa paraang hindi mo alam. Higit sa lahat, binabago nito ang pakiramdam mo. Mas lalo na kapag naka-atang sayo ang responsibilidad ng pagdesisyon .

Pagod na ko.

Sa susunod na may fill up-an ako at may tanong na ganun, hindi ko alam kung sino ang ilalagay kong tao sa “In Case Of Emergency, Contact.. blah-blah-blah” ko. Sana may requirement. Sana may panuntunan para mas madali…

Ikaw At Ang Tren

Sa istasyon ng tren. Lahat nasa anyo ng pagmamadali, mapa-umaga, hapon o gabi. Everybody's rushing.. Everyone's moving. Moving fast. You're left behind. Naupo ka sa upuang itinalaga para sa mga naghihintay ng tren. Naubos ang mga tao, umandar na palayo ang tren, naiwan ka.. nag-iisa. Nagdatingan na naman ang mga tao, different set of people na maghihintay kasama mo sa susunod na tren.. dumarami sila, nagmamadali. Tingin ng tingin sa relo, nagpapaypay, nagpupunas ng pawis. Lahat aligaga sa paghihintay sa pagdating ng sasakyang magsasalba sa kanila sa pagka-late sa kung saan mang lakad nila. Dumating ang tren. Nagsipagsakayan ang mga tao. Sumarado ang pinto. Umandar ulit ang tren. Naiwan ka na naman. Tumayo ka mula sa kinauupuan mo. Tumingin sa paligid. Tinitigan ang digital clock ng istasyon ng tren. Naisip mo maaga pa.  May oras pa. 


Anong hinihintay mo?


Ang susunod na tren. Yung maluwag. 


Walang dadaang tren na maluwag. Nasa gitnang istasyon ka sa buong ruta. Inaasahan mong may darating na sobra ang luwag na makakaupo ka? Nag-aaksaya ka ng oras. Ilang daang tao ang sumasakay ng tren araw-araw. Lahat me kanya-lanyang lakad, lahat me kanya-kanyang agam-agam sa buhay. Pero hindi ibig sabihin na lahat ng mga taong sumasakay sa tren eh katulad mong me hinihintay.


Hindi tren ang hinihintay mo. Pupusta ko ang buhay ko. Hindi ang pagdating ng isang tren na maluwag ang hinihintay mo. Mauubos ang oras sa buong maghapon sa pag-upo sa istasyon, sa pagmamasid sa mga taong nagkakandarapa sa paghabol sa tren, sa pagtingin sa digital clock, sa pagbibilang ng kung ilang taong nakacheckered na polo ang ang daraan sa harapan... magiging hapon ang umaga hanggang sa umabot sa gabi, pero hindi darating ang hinihintay mo.


Nasubukan mo na bang tanungin sa sarili mo kung ano o sino talaga ang hinihintay mo? Napag-isipan mo na kung may halaga ba ang paghihintay na ginagawa mo? Nagmumukha ka ng tanga, wala ka namang napapala. Subukan mong mag-apply na empleyado sa train station na tinatambayan mo, mag janitor ka! Ikaw ang magbukas at magsarado ng gate ng MRT/LRT.  Posibleng gawin mo yan pero pupusta pa rin ako na HINDI darating ang hinihintay mo.


Bakit?


Dahil naghihintay ka sa WALA....

Ilang tren na ba ang lumagpas sayo? Ilang tren na ang hinayaan mong lagpasan ka? Pinatigil ba ng digital clock sa istasyon ng tren ang mundo mo?


Subukan mo minsang tumayo at makipagsiksikan papasok sa loob ng tren. Subukan mong pausarin ang mundo mo. Wag mong hayaang habang buhay kang maghintay sa isang bagay na walang posibilidad na mangyari. What are the chances that you'll end up having what you want? Nil. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Walk away. Mag jeep ka na lang..  :)






***larawan mula kay Google***

There Goes My Baby

You can get tired. You can stop for a while to rest, to have your much needed break. But you can never stop completely. You're not allowed to quit. You're not allowed to give up. You've signed up for a lifetime role. You cannot let go. You can never walk away.

Let Me Tell You A Story...

Bata pa lang ako sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na hindi, hinding-hindi ko papayagan na maging second option ako. I told myself, I will never succumbed to borrowing happiness from others. I told myself that if and if I fall in love, it will be with someone who will not make me their second choice.

Si Papa, maraming babae. As in kilala sya ng lahat ng tao as 100% womanizer. Kung tama ang calculations ko, pang apat na pamilya kami. He was married once, Ive met my brothers and sisters from the other three families na nauna sa amin. Two of them kasama pa namin sa bahay as I was growing up.  Matapos sa amin, may mga sumunod pa, tipong “the list goes on and on and on” hanggang sa time of death nya, madami pang nagsulputang mga pamilya. Instant reunion ang nangyari sa libing ng tatay ko.  I grew up na nasa background lang ung pagiging tatay nya. He was never there during Christmas, bihira makapunta sa mga birthdays, father’s day? Anu yun? Sa mga family affairs sa school, walang anino ng tatay ko.  Okay lang, nasanay na rin ako.

Then I met JD. I was in my last year in college, living alone, away from my family. At that time, 3 years ng wala ang tatay ko sa face of the earth, my mom and younger sister decided to moved up North sa hometown ng nanay ko at dun na tuluyang manirahan. As I was already in college, I opted to stay. Ayokong magsimula ng panibago sa isang lugar na kahit kailan hindi ko naimagine na titira ako ng pangmatagalan. Si JD, easily charmed his way into my heart. He's 11 years older than me, doesn’t look his age though. (well most of my x’s were older than me) After just two months ng pagiging kami, he asked me to give up my apartment and move in with him. He was then living alone din. (Dapat lang naman diba? Imagine a 31 yr old guy still living with his parents, asan ang backbone? Lol) And so I did..Then I got pregnant. Dun na nagsimula maging kumplikado ang lahat. Hindi pa pala sya handa. (sabi nya) Dun ko lang din nalaman na, he’s married with one 7-year old kid living in Canada. Its been 7 years dawn a wala silang communication. May nabasa ako na if its more than 7 years, null and void na ung marriage nila. But I wasn’t so sure. Technically, kabit ako. Kahit na 24/7 na ako ang kasama ni JD, kabit pa rin ang labas ko dahil hindi siya sa akin kasal. After giving birth to JM, mas naging mahirap ang sitwasyon. Nagsimula syang maghanap ng #2, #3, #4 (and so on and so forth) na kabit. At dahil sa akin siya umuuwi, ako ang nagfee-feeling legal wife, ako ang nakakaramdam ng pang aagrabyado, ako ang nasasaktan. Took 3 kids, countless times ng pag aalsa balutan at 6 ½ years of living with him bago ko siya tuluyang naiwan. I was hopeful, I was clinging on to something that never was. I was a fool to believe in some fairy tale.

Pagkatapos ni JD, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na hinding-hindi na ulit mangyayari na magiging pangalawang option ako. Hindi ko gugustuhing danasin ung pinagdaanan ng nanay ko, I swore to myself that I will never again feel ung mga paghihirap ng kalooban na inaabot ko kay JD.

“Gusto ko lang naman maging Masaya. Hinawakan ko lang naman ung makakapagpasaya sa akin, kasalanan ba yun?”

-          At the expense of others? Kahit alam mong may masasaktan kang iba?

 “Hindi ko kayang bitawan eh. Ayoko pa.”

-          Kahit nasasaktan ka na?  Kahit nahihirapan ka na? Kahit alam mong may nahihirapang iba nang dahil sayo?

When you know or in the situation wherein you are aware na ikaw ang third party, it is really exhausting. Not physically exhausting.Tas too much of the guilt feeling. It is emotionally-painfully exhausting. You hurt not just for yourself but also for those people na nasasagasaan mo in the process of loving, of simply being happy.. It is also exhausting to hate. To hate the person who made you feel the hate feeling. To hate yourself for deciding to do the “wrong” thing, to hate those people who tries/tried to judge you, to hate  the person na nasagasaan mo, to hate the fact that you’re hating. Literal na magulo ang mundo ng taong nanghihiram... magiging attached ka, or hahayaan mong totally ma-attached ka kahit na alam mong eventually you would have to return it back. Kase nga hindi sayo, meaning hindi pwedeng magstay sayo forever.  Darating yung time na kakailanganin mong bumitaw. Kahit saang anggulo mo tingnan, ikaw ang talo.. HIndi ka pwedeng magdemand ng panahon at oras nya, hindi ka pwedeng magfeeling na ikaw lang, kase in the first place hindi naman talaga ikaw, umekstra ka lang. Saling ket-ket ka lang, sooner or later kailangan mo ng mawala sa eksena. Kahit na alam na alam mong ganun ang ending, alam mong masasaktan ka sa bandang huli, still you chose to go through with it, still you decide to take the risk, still you let yourself fall too hard even though you know from the very start na there's no one to catch you incase you really fall. You let yourself jump without making sure there's someone who will jump with you, simply because you cant. You cant make someone thats not yours leap and take the plunge with you. 

***kasalanan ng movie na No Other Woman tong post na to.***