"You have me, I don't have you."
I don't think (believe) I really ever had you. You were never mine for the taking in the first place. You were just someone who came along, tipong "naaliw" sa kwento o sa pagkatao ko. I wouldn't really know. You used to tell me im this and that that im fond of being like this and being like that. There were also times when you tell me that I used to believe that "this" is what im feeling when its not. That im just bein clouded over things. You used to tell me a lot of things about myself. You made me realize a lot of things. You made me discover a part of me I never knew existed. But it doesn't mean you're always right. It doesn't mean everytime you tell things about me...... You're a "scary" judge of character... thats what you are (according to you) have you ever considered listening to others? Have you ever considered really listening to their hearts? Can you tell what exactly I'm feeling right now? You're a really smart guy. You're even way too smart for me. I see myself at level 1, and I see yours at level 8 already. I don't know or I'm not sure if its the same for everyone who knows you, but Im having a difficulty understanding you. Maybe its just me, I dont know. Doesn't really matter now, does it?
I could go on and on and on with these, but it wont stop.. it will not stop unless I decided to stop it. I know that. You've told me things to do to get over this, To be way past this stupid feelings. But did it ever occur to you that what will work for you (works for you) may not work for me?
You know, its not that easy for me to let go. Its not that easy for me to get over this. Ive invested too much of me in here. Hindi ko na maiahon yung sarili ko sa pagkahulog. "Smiling" will not help get through this. Sabi nila, its much better if you're confronted with the hurting truth than comforting lies. Either way, it hurts, either way its confusing, either way its killing me. This.... what I'm feeling right now is killing me....
I guess its safe to say, that I really never had you.. You weren't really giving yourself to anyone...You were just telling stories about you... about your life, but you're not really sharing "you"....I never really had you... Never did... never will....
Does it still hurt? You must know that the pain does not really go away. It stays there, tucked deep in our hearts, we just sometimes forget it but once in while, we will remember it and look back on what has happened.
ReplyDeleteYou can forgive and heal yourself but you can never forget. That is how it works. You just have to be strong. You will never be completely healed unless you allow yourself to remember and remember and remember, there's no escaping it. :)
so ive been told.
ReplyDeletethanks..